This is awkward.

Its been a couple of months now since I last wrote in this journal, but I just had the urge to write again due to the circumstance I am in, that I have no other outlets for the kind of emotion im feeling right now. We are all allowed to vent out some repressed feelings right? No matter how silly they may be, we are all genetically made to have some sort of emotion.

Anyway. I've recently noticed an increase of my use of the word "I" in most of my conversations, to be honest I don't like it, I find it selfish and uncaring. The only problem is though, I have no other way to vent out whatever repressed feelings I have other than to talk about them in a conversation. 

Perhaps the terrible lack of social experience has caused me to be more selfish than I remembered myself to be. Lets just say I don't like it happening because of an ideaology the Greeks had, that pride is the root/ the beginning of one's downfall or something like that.

I have to admit, its hard for me not to incorporate some elements in the books I read in the things I do in real life. 

Wait wait! Im talking too much of random things! Lets get to the point shall we.

I feel like the people around me have managed to set their minds on doing something for their future. I have to say, I think its my own insecurity that's talking but its just that I find it hard to believe that the people around me do not know their strengths and would not use them to their advantage. Its clear as day to me just how much talent all these people have, I find it so easy to pinpoint the great skills which they possess and I could tell each of them (at least those whom I have the opportunity of knowing) what they are but of course its very abnormal for a person to just randomly tell them.

All of these great minds; yet they still doubt themselves despite possessing such great skills, its absurd!
And its in being surrounded by these talented people that make me look at myself and find nothing of the sort that I see around me. I suppose that's where I get my insecurity from and of course I've only got myself to blame for such a disappointment and failure.

I find it hard to pacify such feelings and I find it harder to remain passive and keep the information from the people I know, of their strengths, what's more, to see them doubt themselves.

I don't think I could just tell them outright what I see and observe, of course I think its better if they found it out by themselves. I just find it hard to be passive about it, to bear the knowledge and not tell a soul.

As for myself,

I suppose I don't really have any other choice, other than to move on and accept the fact that inconsistency is in my nature.

Lets end there for now
:D, its good to write here again.<input ... ></input><input ... >

ZOMG!
The pictures look awesome, I just hope the whole movie is just as good as the pictures. Although, I have to say, I was hoping that there would be more details when it comes to their costumes (and Aang's arrow tattoos) but whatevs, they might still make some other edits.

http://geektyrant.com/2009/05/6768/
http://geektyrant.com/2009/05/first-loairbe1/

I find it hard to simplify things and find it easy to complicate anything.
I cannot judge people by what they do.
I can't criticize people for depending on other people to do things which they can do for themselves.
I should be happy, in fact, that the things I do can influence them like that.
I guess its just sad that for them to take action, someone has to lead first.
They are who they are.

Lol and just look at how many "I"'s I used there.

What makes this generation (and perhaps future generations) a tad bit more unsuccessful in dealing and succeeding throughout the harshness of reality is due to how spoiled we have all become.

Our parents, grandparents who experience the transition and change that has led us to where we are now, endured a tremendous amount of suffering and fighting (emotionally and then some) and it was in their time when freedom and honesty was at its beginning. Beginnings usually contain a tremendous amount of passion, willingness and most of all idealisms to forego whatever it is that lies ahead.

But now I think we've become too complacent with our status. Our parents and grandparents did not want their children or grandchildren to experience the intense suffering that they had to endure, unfortunately (although the intent is purely honest and understandable) the extent to which they wanted to give a better future for their children has basically made us purely materialistic and even more lazy than what we have perceived ourselves to be.

I also don't get why in the intent to make the world a greener and a more nature friendly place, other people's solution is to create technologies, more complicated, more expensive, which makes those people who are willing and interested in making the world a better place a little disabled, considering that their financial status is not entirely as peachy as it used to be.

What we need right now is balance.

Sometimes I also try to think if I am deserving to get what I have now. Have I worked hard for it or not?
And most of the time I think that everything that I mostly have right now was just handed down to me, given to me without any consideration if I am worth of it or not.

My dad is such an idealist, hes but he does it in such a subtle way that sometimes its hard to see.
But there was something that he said when we were on our way back home from school. He said this: "In everything you do when things get hard its usually always better, because with great suffering also comes great redemption in the end...The harder something is, is better". Now I don't know if he's a massochist of some sort but anyone without an immediate judgement on what he said would have some kind of hint on what he was trying to say.

Im not really good with words here but, I hope that idea my dad was trying to say was somehow, understood. This directs me to that thought of balance and sense of deserving.  There are so many things that I want to have (yes, in saying so, that  would make me a hypocrite, but seriously I could care less), places and paintings that I want to see, things that I want to experience. My mind has continously told me that I could achieve it immediately, even right now. We do have the capability to do something close to what I want, all I have to do is create tantrums, whine a lot, or even force my parents. But then at the end of the day, it comes down to one question, and I deserving to get what it is that I want. I know the answer but I try to convince myself that the truthful answer is not entirely true.

That question of deserving also stems to another root question which is Balance.

Why do we ask for so many things which we are not entirely deserving to have at the moment? I would like to think that there is a reason why the things I am interested in are still far beyond my reach. Because I haven't worked hard for them, NAY! I am too afraid to work hard for them and let me emphasize on that. I am TOO AFRAID TO WORK HARD for what it is that I want.

And why shouldn't I be, competition among people have grown to the extent where it becomes our only main goal. I don't like it, I think its absolutely unfair but then the world has never been fair, so you either play the game or end up with nothing which is also something that I really don't like.

And depending on my parents to give me what I want? I think they've already given me too much which is why it pains me to even ask something else from them. I am capable of providing myself of what I need or want but I think I'm just really afraid.

So like I said. This generation has grown to be spoiled, but even much worse is that this generation has also grown afraid of lossing their luxury and their comfortable lives (basically due to being spoiled), it has left us vulnerable and weak and this makes me even more afraid and depressed.

If this is how we have become, then how about the generations after us?
I am not an exception, I want to clarify that
and I hate that I have to be in this generation.

Hi.

I've been pretty bored lately and that basically led to my LJ pimping (and twitter too XD)
So yea.
If you guys have a Twitter account, add me up or better yet PM me (DONT BE SHY NOW!) of your user name and I'll gladly follow you.
Oh and if you guys have plurk to, put a comment on this page with your username or PM or whatevs.
Doesn't matter if I know you very well or not.

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